We’ve got our bills lined up. We’ve got jobs. We’ve got the kids off to school and successfully on their way.
So why do I feel the ennui seeping in?
There was something about not knowing what was going to happen, about having possibilities around the corner … even though we were lost … I have to admit, I kind of liked it.
I could smell the adventure.
That unsafe … something-really-bad-or-good-could-happen kind of feeling that we had during the months of unemployment is missed.
There’s an emptiness, a blank, swaddled in the safety of budgets and benefits.
Being unemployed was like jumping in an Oregon river in the morning to bathe — uncomfortable, dreaded, but refreshing when you’re done.
When that tingling warmth starts to spread over your body and the cold isn’t confronting you in the face, you think to yourself, “bathing in a cold river is the best way to start your day!”
That’s the way I feel toward unemployment right now. Like it was awesome!
Of course it wasn’t. It was danged uncomfortable.
But I feel so lonely and lost. Running on the hampster wheel again. Hooked back into the matrix.
I feel like a sell-out.
I feel lost.
I want to be back on track with a trip.