We’ve got our bills lined up. We’ve got jobs. We’ve got the kids off to school and successfully on their way.

So why do I feel the ennui seeping in?

There was something about not knowing what was going to happen, about having possibilities around the corner … even though we were lost … I have to admit, I kind of liked it.

I could smell the adventure.

That unsafe … something-really-bad-or-good-could-happen kind of feeling that we had during the months of unemployment is missed.

There’s an emptiness, a blank, swaddled in the safety of budgets and benefits.

Being unemployed was like jumping in an Oregon river in the morning to bathe — uncomfortable, dreaded, but refreshing when you’re done.

When that tingling warmth starts to spread over your body and the cold isn’t confronting you in the face, you think to yourself, “bathing in a cold river is the best way to start your day!”

That’s the way I feel toward unemployment right now.  Like it was awesome!

Of course it wasn’t. It was danged uncomfortable.

But I feel so lonely and lost. Running on the hampster wheel again. Hooked back into the matrix.

I feel like a sell-out.

I feel lost.

I want to be back on track with a trip.


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