Update – My Job’s in Peril Again

The principal pulled me aside to inform me that once again, I’ll probably be replaced because I’m not “highly qualified.” They’ve already found someone to replace me. We’re just waiting for the test results to come in — which I believe I bombed. It’s always humbling to find yourself so easily replaced. In today’s market, I bet everyone feels that wolf at the door — capable, jobless people breathing down your neck waiting to step in if you don’t quite cut it. 

The pastor today preached about God having a plan. Someone, stood up and gave a testimony about how he’s going to South Korea because a job opened up. He said it was a “God-thing.” For me, nothing moves me. It feels like my starving heart is in a tight, protective knot — there is a hard shell, a seed covering, a casing, and it waits for the right conditions to hit before blooming. As rains of encouragement fell on me, my hard heart stayed shut, saying, “It’s too early. If you open up now, the frost will get you.” Wait. Wait. Wait.

So my heart rests in the dormant state. Do I believe that Spring will come? It always does. But I’m not getting my hopes up anytime soon. Winter has just begun. It’s fury must be spent before awaking. Why lift my little green shoots now? They will only be crushed under the snows to come. I do not look forward to them. A short sale. Another modification. A possible foreclosure. Bills mounting, pressing. Working, working, to no avail. mouths to feed. Children to run. Gas tanks to fill. Calls. Decisions to make without clarity. Dilemmas without solutions. Slumps. Slippery slopes. Finger holds. Gripping the sides. Adventures turn into terrors. If our lives were an epic — this would be Mirkwood — dripping, dark, and the fire won’t start. Moreover, there’s goblins ahead.

I look back at my past blog posts. I remember “It’s not dark yet, but it’s gettin’ there.” That was before Italy and homeschooling and blogging regularly. That was before a job I didn’t want but knew I needed. That was before the house was behind again. That was before Paul was angry all the time, before the bitterness of unkind comments and judgments, before the reality of our dank economic condition hit us full in the face. We had less money in the bank. We had less chance of making any. But we had hope. And, is it Stevenson? A hopeful journey is better than arriving.  Now … it’s dark.

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5 Comments

  1. So another friend who regularly blogs said that if you read someone’s blog respond to it because that is how they know you are reading. I have read everyone of your blogs since I started in October. I find all of your writing to be gripping and thought provoking. With your thoughts and input Kevin and I are working out a plan to start “home” schooling next year.

    Keep the faith and every old adage that you can think of apply here. Ready or not, God does have a plan for you. As heartbreaking as it may seem, “it is darkest just before the dawn.” The problem is that you never know when it is the darkest until you start to see the light.

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    1. Thank you Rebecca for replying. It is good to hear that people are reading. Moreover, that what I’m writing makes you think. What a wonderful, big step your family might be making, God-willing! I’m so excited to hear about the journey you take to bring your children home.

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  2. Okay so this was from a post along time ago but, I recently read a new article in Parenting magazine about homework. The book is called “The Case Agaeinst Homework: How Homework is Hurting Children and what Parents Can Do About It.” It gives parents tools to approach teachers and seems that it gets the point across that homework is proven not to be effective. The article is a good read and can be useful for all parents. Let’s start a homeowrk revolution!

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  3. Danielle. You may remember me as we met once…I am one of Elida’s “students” and took a drawing class from your husband. He might remember me…i’m the uptight one : ) I first went to your blog to read about the Italy adventures and because of your incredible writing went ahead and read every last post. You guys are a sweet family and seem to live a very purposeful life. Now my heart is heavy for you guys. This post especially ~ I can feel the pain. I was moved to respond but didn’t know what to say. But then I realized what to pass on ~ I am sitting here at my kitchen table working on a project that your sweet sis helped me with this am. It is a mixed media piece with one of my favorite scriptures…Psalm 46.
    “Be still and know that i am God.”
    That scripture gives me peace. And I sometimes break it down:
    Be still and know that I am God.
    Be still and know that I am.
    Be still and know.
    Be still.
    Be.
    My prayer for you and Paul is that you both will be filled with God’s peace. God bless. Susan

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  4. Wow, Danielle, here is the little sign of hope that you are looking for. Rebecca says that she is considering homeschooling in part because of your writing. You have amplified your family culture, even in the midst of ‘this present darkness’ and it has spread some hope of living differently to Rebecca and Keven, so you have this affirmation. HOld on to it, in the palm of your hand, just as your father in heaven has you in the palm of His, you are His child, and he never grows impatient with you but only loves loves loves you. This is a beginning, pushing back the clouds. Lets get this blog out to more people. Maybe all of us who read it should email the link to 10 people.

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